So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
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