...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
