Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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