I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
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