Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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