honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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