we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
