I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
