Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
