we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
