there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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