Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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