So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
