you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
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