y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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