Well apparently he's into motor boating.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
