so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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