i would punch a child for taco bell
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
