I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
