What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
