My room smells like vodka and shame
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
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i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
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Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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