You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
we made out on top of his cat.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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