The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
