WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
