He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
