Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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