She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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