I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.