this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
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My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
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Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory