Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
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I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
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when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I need to sanitize my soul.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom