TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"