Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...