I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again