My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
