Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
