Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
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We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
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He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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