I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
