I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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