You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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