oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
