Need sex. Gaining weight.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
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