The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
