Someone shit on the floor
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
