it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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