those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
It's shark week go big or go home
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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