wrigley field is MILF paradise
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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