Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
