i think i have two assholes
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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