You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
