tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
