I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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