Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Sext me about skeletons
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
