Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize