Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm way too hungover for life right now
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
