We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
