when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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