I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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