She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
