her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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