just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
you mean i was at the winter classic?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
