My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
