i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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