I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
