um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
