Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
