Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
