I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Watching her eat just hurts me
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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